Undead4gerard's Journals

RE-LOCATION.

...of sorts.

See, this here old Buzznet's sort of cramping my style.

And even though it has the memories and the laughs and the disasters and eeeeeeverything else.

It's. Yeah.

Playtime is over.

I don't really know what I'm going to do with this account. I think I'll leave it, since there IS a lot of shit on here I'd kind of hate to lose.

BUT I NOW RESIDE AT

http://lunarlightsx.buzznet.com

I'll still check this page and stuff, but ya know.

Starting over. It's a good thing.

toddles in

Flyleaf's new CD is probably the best thing I've heard in a while.

You should probably go buy it. Haha.

I'm going to learn to play the cello you guyssss.

'Kay. All the news I had. Haha.

*toddles out*

Hope Samhain/Halloween went well for you all.

I went to a legitimately haunted castle near West Virginia. =]

It was pretty cool. My dad had a door shut on him, but nothing happened to me.

The two rooms I wanted to see the most were the tower and the basement, but we couldn't go into either one!

Stupid safety reasons.

I decided I'd like to live in a house like that someday, for sure.

If I could steal Nemicolon Castle and sit it somewhere else, I'd do it, haha.

I'll pretend I wasn't ready to cry and/or throw things thanks to Levi the whole time.

I'll pretend he didn't ruin my Samhain entirely.

I'm good at pretending.

I'm going to see This Is It tomorrow. ^_^

Well, today, I guess. It's almost three in the morning here, haha.

STILL. MUCHO EXCITED.
(Carlos said it made him cry. If he cried, I'll totally cry. XD)

Well, that's that then.

Single again.

Broken up with via MySpace while my LOVING BOYFRIEND is in Arizona.

Not even a phone call.

There is nothing else to say.

STAB

I'm just about three seconds away from stabbing school to death.

Yes, I will actually run at the building with a knife and stab it.

I am feeling THAT ridiculous and tired right now.

*sigh*

Well, I feel bad for not posting anything lately, so I'll give you guys an update on my totally not exciting life.

So, first of all, let it be known:

My dad is awesome.

He got tickets to WWE Bragging Rights on Sunday.

I was in the presence of the freaking UNDERTAKER.

I was beyond excited.

And I got to experience the pure awesomeness that is D-Generation X.

How badass is that?

Sadly, they didn't make any jokes. It was all business.

But still. DX!

So yeah. Sunday was nice. Verrrry nice.

I have pictures. They're godawful. But I have them. No one cares. XD

Levi is currently in freaking ARIZONA visiting his dad.

Which is cool and all, but. Ya know. Ya know.

I don't know how much longer he and I are going to be together.

He's an okay guy and all, but it's like... damn, we're SO different.

Almost too different.

He's a country music loving preppy boy with a video game addiction who really isn't the brightest crayon in the box.

I'm the girl who listens to Emilie Autumn on dark, stormy nights, writes terrible poetry, and spends her spare time studying the occult.

Erm. Right.

Besides, it seems like we're on two separate planets as far as what we want in this relationship.

I want a boyfriend who is like a guyfriend but with all the cutesy crap that comes with the *typical boyfriend*.

HE seems to want way more than I want to give him. Which sucks for him, but probably sucks more for me.

He's going to stop being so great about it soon. I know it.

ENOUGH ABOUT MY FREAKING RELATIONSHIP ISSUES...

And onto my... *relationship issues*!

Apparently I am Carlos' wife.

Yeah. I guess we got married today because I always give him what's left of my iced tea at lunch?

Shit son, if that's all it takes... XD

(Okay, so thank god Levi is in Arizona, because if he knew about this, he wouldn't see the humor.)

Even though it's a joke, it could get dangerous. I know Carlos liked/likes me, and I'd be lying if I said I felt no attraction to him (you really can't not fall victim to the charm).

But this is bad for TWO reasons.

One: I'm not single.
Two: Carlos is a chronic cheater.

And yeah, Levi used to be a chronic cheater, so what am I talking about, but he said he doesn't do that anymore.
(Setting myself up for disaster, I know. Benefit of the doubt is for stupid people.)

Carlos, however, cheats currently, so.

I don't think so.

(I will at some point be shown up as a wishy-washy little bitch. Just wait and see. I give it a year tops.)

SO YEAH GREAT...

I hope to go see Emilie Autumn in concert on December third!

This depends heavily on whether or not someone I know who is reasonably awesome and tolerant of my music taste gets their drivers license.

I dont really care who it is, as long as they get it and are willing to drive me to Mr. Small's Theater. XD

I wanted to get the VIP package and get signed everything, meet Emilie, and be there for a semi-private reading of her new book, but that'll run me $130 bucks (in order to take whoever drives me in as well). It'd be $65 if it was just me, but it's not, so.

GRRRRR.

Wish I could driiiiiiiive.

I have homework I should be doing.

HAHAHAHAHA. Well.

If someone would like to explain equations in function form or, you know, my entire algebra course... that'd be cool.

And if you'd like to do my fucktarded journal for English, that'd rock as well.

Yeeeah. Fabulous.

Well that's it, I guess. I'm done with this blogging thing for the evening.
HAPPY EARLY HALLOWEEN FUCKERS. =D

My mom bought me a legit witches broom. It's the best thing ever. XD

Talk about mimes in your homeroom!
Love, me.

For teh lulz...

No one is going to mess with you if Evgeni Malkin is in the vicinity.
Yikesssss.

LOL.
JordanStaal.<3

I'm so confused.

This all might be TMI. I guess that's why you have the back button option.

I'll make as it vague as possible for you, kids.

I love my boyfriend, I truly do.

Levi's a great guy (if a little immature for his age) who has done everything in his power to make me feel special and pretty and like someone on this fucked up planet actually wants me around.

And I don't even HALF-deserve that, but clearly some higher power thinks I do.

When I'm with Levi I'm happy and I feel like I've got a place to go when everything else has failed me, which is an incredible thing.

But...

The subject of a more physical relationship has come up.

More than once.

In spoken and actually-really-happening manners.

Which SHOULD be okay, you know, in like six months or something, depending on how our relationship goes.

And I've SAID that it'd be okay later on, depending.

But it's not going to be okay. Not now, not in six months, not ever.
There is a REASON I used to be dead set on the concept of my being a lesbian.

The thought of doing anything advanced with ANY guy, not just Levi, makes me want to throw up. Badly.

The entire concept, to me, is just really gross and not at all attractive.

However, when I think about what it would be like with another GIRL...

I'm fine. I don't feel sick, I'm not grossed out, I don't feel anxiety about that possibility at all.

Like, if Levi was a girl, I'd be 100% fine right now.

But he's not. He's a guy.

He's a guy who, despite acting confident, is actually really insecure and uncomfortable with himself.
He'd never admit it, but it's something I've noticed.
And I'm so afraid that if I tell him I'm never going to want what he wants, it'll upset him.

But what the hell am I supposed to do?

It's not MY fault that I was born wired to find women physically more appealing and guys not so much.

But now I'll have to TELL him that.
And he might not take it too well.

He's not homophobic, per se.

But he's not WOOHOO GAY FRIENDLY! either.

And he already has to deal with the, "O hai, my girlfriend is a Witch!" drama as it is.

This little tidbit of information may do us in.

And with as much as I'm enjoying the relationship right now, jeopardizing it isn't something I want to put anywhere NEAR my to-do list.

T.T

MY LIFE IS SO COMPLICATED RIGHT NOW YOU GUYS.

(Sorry for venting about shit that I'm SURE you don't want to know about. I just need to hear other people's thoughts, because mine aren't really sane-sounding right now.)

Question.

Do you ever have those fleeting moments where you seem to get transported back to another time?

Your thoughts, your feelings, the way things feel, smell, sound, for those two seconds, are exactly how they were once before?

And in that moment, you remember just how good those times were, how easy and perfect.

And then it's over, and you remember that it's not like that at all, and you're empty again.

I hate those moments.

I have a piece of advice for you ladies and gay gentlemen..

If you find yourself dating a dude whose sign is Scorpio...

Keep your wits about you if you're not looking for funtimes, you know what I'm sayin'?

JESUS.

Remember that story "Aftermath" I showed you guys?

You know, because it was AWESOME?

I just found out that Christine, who wrote the story, is having it PUBLISHED.

O_O

*dances around excitedly*

I'd imagine she'd have to change the names, but OH MY GOD HOW COOL.